Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
