she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
