??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
