Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
