I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
