I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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