life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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