I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
