Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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