Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
