whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
