at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
