I looked at my own cervix.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This baby is an asshole
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
