at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
