We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
