the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
