I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
