One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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