I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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