i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
