I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
