I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
