His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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