pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
