Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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