Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
