I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Are we still banned from the library?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
