I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
