even my farts smell like vagina
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
