i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
