Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
