white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
