Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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