I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
