he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
