:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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