We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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