Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
