he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize