I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
