I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize