I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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