I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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