i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize