Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
