I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize