I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
