I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
