Where is the hickey?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
