She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
