so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
