do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
