it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
