Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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