wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
