"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
