She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
