I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
