At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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