I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
