When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
