i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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