Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
