Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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